We have all heard the famous breakup line, "It's not you, it's me." And, if we have heard it (or been the one to say it), we know to roll our eyes at the lie. It IS you. Whether it's the fact you no longer fit into the world the person is building, or you just don't qualify for the "job" - whatever the reason, it IS you. But there is nothing wrong with you. Yes, it hurts when you hear those words. You instantly know they are a lie. Of course there is something wrong with you if they don't want to be with you anymore, right? I mean, you must be too heavy/light, too big/small, too smart/ignorant, too tall/short, too blonde/redhead/brunette, too "this" and not enough "that." And you may wonder what the next person has that you didn't have. What are they giving/providing him/her that you didn't? Why are they taking them on vacations when they didn't even bother to take you to meet their parents? Why are they taking time off work to spend the weekend with them when they were never willing to leave early for you? The list really could go on and on with the whys and the why-nots. But you know what? You do not HAVE to fit into their plans. That is okay if you don't. You don't HAVE to meet the qualifications they are looking for anymore. You should create your own list of those. The reason it really IS you and not them is... you never were going to fit into their future. Their plans never changed. Their qualifications have been there, even if you never knew them. You were only temporary... for them. But, you will NOT be temporary for the person you were/are meant for. You will be their plan, not just fit into it. You WILL exceed each of the qualifications, not just a few. You WILL be everything and more to the person you are meant to be with. You just need a little patience. But, regardless of all those questions and doubts, the MOST important thing you MUST remember is to have your own plan and qualifications for yourself... and meet them. Be a whole person without another. Be your own whole picture and not just a piece in another's puzzle. Because, when you are that, and you meet another person who is their own whole picture, imagine what kind of world you can create together. With the right person. When you let go of the questions and doubts those words, "It's not you, it's me," trigger. Because those words are lies, and you don't want to live with that. It IS you. and YOU deserve so much more.
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Ashlee Shades
Ashlee loves sharing a piece of her mind - and her heart - in her blog posts. She hopes you enjoy the musing. Archives
February 2020
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